Courage of Laughter

Of all the forms of courage, the ability to laugh is the most profoundly therapeutic.

This quote is Number 28 of 30 in the book, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.

Here are some of the ideas presented in this chapter:

People find it hard to entertain two emotions simultaneously.

What is important about laughter in our lives? If you ask people, even when they are depressed, if they have a good sense of humor, the answer is nearly uniformly "yes." ...even though ample evidence to the contrary.

What gives humor its power in our lives is that a capacity for laughter is one of the two characteristics that separate us from other animals. The other, as far as we know, is the ability to contemplate our own death. There is a connection between these two uniquely human attributes that cuts to the heart of the great paradox of life: It is possible to be happy in the face of our mortality.

To be able to experience fully the sadness and absurdity that life so often presents and still find reasons to go on is an act of courage abetted by our ability to both love and laugh.

Humor also is a form of sharing, an interpersonal exercise. To share laughter is a way of affirming that we are all in this lifeboat together. The sea surrounds us; rescue is uncertain; control is illusory. Still, we sail on--together.

Those are some of the high points in this chapter.

A personal word: We are finding in these our later years that as long as we can find humor in a situation, we are able to enjoy life. Interestingly, we laugh a lot. Everything seems funny, and it's mostly at ourselves. We often say, "As long as we can keep laughing, we will be okay."

Of course there are sad times and occasions, but we don't dwell there too long. We move on.

The other day we were watching TV and Paul made a comment of observation. We looked at each other and then started laughing and we couldn't stop. I couldn't catch my breath. It wasn't the words, it was the interaction and we both interpreted the same funny way. Quite enjoyable. And we missed a few minutes of the TV program until we could quit laughing.

I've often heard that growing old is only for the courageous. I agree with Dr. Livingston, this author, that the most profoundly therapeutic form of courage is laughter.
MB

Logic vs Emotion

In recent days I received two gift cards to two different bookstores, and also a gift certificate from the publishing company where I work. I immediately used the gift cards and selected my company gift books. I'm overloaded with great books just waiting to be read and enjoyed.

One small book I chose is entitled Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart. The title caught my attention and then the thirty chapter titles clinched my decision to get that book. This is one book I have already read. It's great. Yes, I'm definitely too soon old and too late smart.

One of the best chapter titles is "It is difficult to remove by logic an idea not placed there by logic in the first place."

We couldn't quit laughing at that one. I'm well known for being a logical, practical thinker and speaker. When a problem arises, I immediately shift into the non-emotional, practical and logical way of looking at things. Drives the people close to me, who are more attuned to their emotional side, a little crazy.

The author of the book, Dr. Gordon Livingston, makes some interesting points and observations:

In fact, it sometimes seems that we are so trapped in ineffectual life patterns that we are playing out the old military adage: If it doesn't work, double it. The motivations and habit patterns that underlie most of our behavior are seldom logical; we are much more often driven by impulses, preconceptions, and emotions of which we are only dimly aware.

He ends the chapter with:
Finally, when struggling to overcome maladaptive behaviors by the use of logic, one is often confronted with the fact that some ignorance is invincible. People can become so wedded to their particular view of how things should work that they ignore all evidence that suggests that change is necessary.

So what is the reality check here? For me, a logical person, it helps me understand that I'm coming at things quite differently than other, more balanced friends and loved ones. I need to get more in touch with my emotional side, I need to listen and understand other's emotional viewpoints, and I am helped by understanding that logic sometimes leaves others feeling misunderstood and not heard.

It's true that others may need more logic in their outlook on life, but I'm realizing I need a more balanced approach to communication and connecting to the important people in my life. It's a great lesson and a fun one to learn and apply.

I want to share more fun things I'm reading in this book. Hopefully, it won't be so long in between posts. We'll see.
MB

The Big Three

Have you ever heard in business that there are three basic things a business wants and needs as it produces products, but in actuality can only have two of those.

The three are: good quality, fast service, low cost.

It's common knowledge in business that you pick the two you can have because having three is impossible. You can get good quality and have it quickly, but it will cost you. If you want something quickly and cheap, you won't have good quality. And finally, if you want good quality but you don't want to pay so much, you'll have to wait for it because it will not be done quickly.

Then what happens when you're with a company is you soon learn what their emphasis is, or what their two choices are.

The company I worked for a few years ago obviously chose quality first and foremost and second they chose a good schedule or fast service no matter the cost. The founder had a story told about him that when one of his books was published and he found numerous mistakes in them that he built a big bonfire and burned them all. He then had the team start over and produce a quality book. At that time excellent quality was the one and only consideration.

I've worked for several different companies since then. Nowhere has quality been the number one priority since that first experience. That was quite a culture shock. I was continually called on the carpet because I was taking too long to make sure there were as few mistakes as possible. The transition was quite frustrating and actually somewhat painful.

I've now adjusted and I tell my work team: Let's do what we can the best we can within the time we have. We often have to let too much go by, and once a mistake is in the product it almost takes an act of Congress to get it corrected. It becomes extremely important to do excellent work from the get-go and then let it go.

How does this apply to a reality check? We are in relationship with a God who does all three. He is the epitome of quality, the very best. He always delivers on time, exactly on time. And do we even need to discuss the "cost"? Having this relationship as a foundation makes the rest of life, including the allowances that have to be made in other areas, acceptable because we know that the things that really matter are covered.

My thoughts at this time-
MB

Colorful Living

We could learn a lot from crayons.

Some are sharp,
some are pretty,
and some are dull.

Some have weird names and all are different colours,
but they all have to live in the same box.

Just a thought.
MB

Look Alikes?

Below are two baby pictures. The first is a picture of me as a baby. The second is a picture of my youngest granddaughter.

When I first saw this baby picture of Sierra, I was struck at how much it reminded me of mine. I quickly dug through the old pictures and found the one I was remembering.

Although we are 58 years apart in age, this little girl grabs my heart each time I am with her. She's very caring, and last Sunday we treated her to a banana split and a couple of presents celebrating her ninth birthday.

She had never noticed Paul's carotid artery surgery scars, and it was a movie in the making to watch her discover them. She did it all with looks, a look of discovery,  then a look of questioning, and when explained, looks of loving and caring. She laid her head on Paul's chest and just loved on him. It was such a freeze frame moment. Paul was raw emotionally from having buried his Mom a few days before, and just watching the two of them was special!

 

My reality check was going to be that I hope I'm a good role model to this young girl. As I've written this I've changed my mind. My reality check is really that I hope I can be as transparent, as loving, and as caring as this little girl. One of my favorite sayings is "Love like you've never been hurt." That's so much harder to do than to say. Seeing that attitude in a young girl is a real challenge to me. I hope I can be like her.
MB

Fans and Family

Yesterday, we attended the OU/TX football game at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. Our grandson bought the tickets and told us that he got tickets in the Texas section and he hoped that was okay. From our picture here, can you tell whom we are for? Pretty obvious, right?

Now, look at Ty's picture. Whom do you think he is for? We walked by one fan outside the stadium and he remarked when he saw Ty, "Now, there's an obviously neutral fan." Ty didn't have on the burnt orange of UT or the crimson red of OU.

Now, here's the "reality check" I want to write about in this post. Ty wasn't neutral, but I didn't catch on until well into the first quarter. He was yelling loudly for UT. OU made the best plays right at first, making a touchdown on their first possession, so I didn't realize that Ty was not for OU because I was so busy standing and yelling and yelling "Boomer-Sooner" at the top of my lungs that I didn't notice that Ty was calm and just watching. I think I thought he just wasn't going to be a loud fan, and than I had the thought I might be embarrassing him. But, I quickly dismissed that and went right on being a good OU fan. :)

Then a strange thing happened. When UT made a good play or stopped OU, Ty would stand and yell and give a loud "YEAH!" What? And then it dawned on me, he is for UT and maybe he purposely bought tickets smack dab in the middle of UT fans. Huh? How could this Grams be so dense? Ty lived almost all of his developmental years in Texas and was never very fond of Oklahoma. He's a die-hard UT fan! Well, duh!

Here's the point of this post: (finally :)

An interesting phenomenon took place in my thinking and feeling, although it took just a little transitional time. I began to laugh and enjoy the TX fans and didn't feel the previous animosity I had had toward them. Reason? Someone I loved was enjoying UT's successes. Completely changed my perspective. In the end when UT won, it was okay. I was glad for Ty. Do you find that as interesting as I do?

As all this was happening, I made the application to the SBC and all the fussing and differences within an organization that's supposed to be "family" and showing the world how to celebrate differences, rather than fighting about it. I think when your heart is really committed to the "brother" or grandson, as the case may be, that it's easy to accept and live with the differences. 

Makes me wonder what's just lip service and what's real. Just a reality check taken from being football fans to other areas of life. Whether we wear our preferences out where others can see or whether we wear neutral so others have to guess, when our differences become apparent, how do we respond? I think I discovered my response shows my heart, my reality.  

MB

On Birthdays and Deathdays

Yesterday, my mother-in-law, Paul's mother died. She had a peaceful death and as some would say, "a good death." I think what is meant by that is that there was not a lot of physical suffering at the end, but just more sleeping and finally a final breath.

Interestingly, the day Margaret died was also my 67th birthday. Some birthday present!! At first, I thought this is going to be bittersweet in the future, celebrating my birthday and always remembering that's the day Paul's Mom died.

But, on the other hand, it will be easy to remember what day she died, the anniversary of her death. For me, death days are hard to remember. I always have to go back and refigure or think of some signpost that helps me get the date right. That won't be true of Margaret's death date. I know!

This has caused me to wonder about something. Wonder why we don't celebrate deathdays as we do birthdays. Especially if our loved one was a believer, a Christian.

Think about it: we celebrate someone coming into this world with all its pain and suffering and we grieve when someone leaves this world to go to a better place, free of all tears and sorrow, pain and suffering. Now, how strange is this?

What would a "deathday" celebration look like? Perhaps on the death day each year later, the family would gather and reminisce about that loved one, looking at pictures and sharing memories. I know that when I go to the cemetery to the graves of my sister, my dad, my grandparents, and others, that's what I do somewhat. I think back to who they were and what they meant to me and how much I miss them.

Just a thought as I start the process of working through grief and sadness. 

MB