Teaching Socialism

My brother in Austin sent me this article in an e-mail. I think the application is self-explanatory. MB

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed.

Could not be any simpler than that....

NOT! I Beg To Differ!

One of the comments in the comment section of Wade's blog recently read:

"At another point, Ware also said one reason men abuse their wives is because women rebel against their husband’s God-given authority."

And the writer was agreeing and proving a point. And the writer was a pastor.

I counseled a woman who drove to my home from her hometown to verify with me what her pastor told her. She was being physically abused by her husband and they were both members of the church where this man was the pastor. His advice to her was, "Didn't Jesus die for you? Why aren't you willing to die for your husband?"

I was aghast, but tried not to show my disgust at the pastor's advice to this woman.

What is wrong with people? What is wrong with some pastors and their advice?

I've also counseled a woman who discovered her husband was sexually molesting their child, and this wife was told that he sought tender care and love from someone who could give it to him since she wasn't.

WHAT??!!

I counseled this woman that no matter what she did or how she acted in her marriage, there is not a reason under heaven that allows this man to sexually abuse their daughter. NONE!

And to the woman above who had suffered severe injuries from her husband trying to make her "submissive" I carefully and quietly told her no one could die for another like Jesus did. Also, Jesus' death sufficed for all. That type of reasoning by the pastor is way off base.

Saying that sometimes a man abuses his wife because she is rebelling against his God-given authority is ludicrous. There is never any reason that excuses or allows a man to do this. I don't care if she's being the worst wife imaginable. NONE! No excuse and no reason. I think a man thought this up. Poor fellow. Don't you wonder sometimes what drives people?

I thought this type of thinking was changing over time and that no one seriously entertained these thoughts any more. Then I read the quote on Wade's blog of one pastor saying what another pastor had said, and they both truly believe it.

I guess you can tell, nothing riles me more than hearing statements like this. Even more galling is hearing or reading that spiritual leaders of people espouse this as Biblical truth.

Take the quoted statement above: "...one reason men abuse their wives is because women rebel against their husband's God-given authority." I would like to ask for Biblical exegesis to prove this statement. I would like to ask this man's family how he lives this belief. I would like to ask the community in which this man lives if they are drawn to this man to ask of him "a reason of the hope that is in him."

I work in corporate America and attending church and hearing "truths" like this makes me think I've stepped back fifty or more years. It's sad to me that being a professional woman I have to think that our "gospel" is presented in such a way and interpreted in such a way as to turn people away instead of drawing them in because of the true message.

Heaven help us! And I mean that literally.

Well, that's my sound-off for this writing.
Mary B.

Expressing Sympathy

Many people have called and expressed sympathy about our losing our coworker in death last month.

Most have been genuine expressions of sympathy and were well given and gratefully received.

However, some expressions were attempts to help or to fix the grief-stricken, I being one.
One commenter said, "Well, God just needed Sherri more in heaven than on earth!" I reacted inwardly to that statement and wanted to (but didn't) say, "And how's that?" And also, "And how do you know that?"

Others, also meaning well, said don't dwell on missing her, just remember the good times!!

You know what? I want to cry. I want to grieve. I want to miss her. I need to feel the hurt and pain of losing someone very special!!

And, I don't want someone trying to fix me or to hurry up my personal process of letting my grief do its work and letting my memories and my feelings get into place, and I'll be okay. Let me be the judge of my own process, my own timing, and my own grief!

Do I sound a little angry and cynical? I probably am, but I've been through this before with other deaths in my family, and I'm not near as reactive as I used to be. Now I mostly just chuckle and shrug and pray that I'll remember how those comments made me feel and that I won't make the same mistake when I comment to someone in grief.

So, what is a good response?

My opinion is when you go to express sympathy to someone, just cry with the one in grief, give them a big hug, and say something simple like, "I know you'll miss them," or say nothing at all. Just feel with them and be there. That's the best possible response. IMHO

I received a long-distance phone call and the person said a few "right" phrases rather quickly and then was gone. My immediate thought was that she could now check that off her to-do list. That's what it felt like. Again, maybe nothing said is better than saying canned phrases.

Perhaps this post is really for me to remind myself anew about how to express sympathy to someone in grief. Maybe it's a good reminder for you if you've stopped by and read this.

Just thinking through some things...
MB

Truth and Freedom

"You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free." I've always loved that verse. It's comforting and foundational to me.

But there is a point or process you have to go through to get to the truth.

Recently I got "taken" by an ad that said "get this free, only pay postage." I rarely order things like this, but I did. Here was the hook. This was guaranteed to help you lose that 10 or 20 pounds that is so hard to get rid of, and especially someone who's my age. And it's this wonderful discovery from an acai berry that has all of these benefits. It's natural and it will do wonders. Hooked!

But, my thinking was, how can I go wrong if it's free?!!

Here's how! The fine print.

The fine print said that you get the first two weeks free, but if you keep the bottle, that free bottle you ordered, then you will owe for the whole bottle. Not only that, but you have, unknown to you, signed up to receive every month another bottle for $44.95. Not only that, but you have now joined something called Fit-Fac online, which you are charged $29.95 a month every month. I've yet to figure out what this is.

Luckily I charged this to a credit card and not to my bank account. I returned the second bottle I received and I sent it through registered, certified mail where I get a receipt. The recipient is supposed to sign a card that they've received the bottle back and then I get the card back in the mail, as proof of returned merchandise. I've yet to receive that signed card, but I have my proof! I then called the Fit-Fac number to stop whatever that was, but I was always put on hold and had to listen to terrible static, skipping music. I never could get a person to talk to.

I then contacted my credit card company and talked to a very helpful customer service person. He was very familiar with the complaints I was making. It was almost funny how well he knew what I was going to say before I said it. He filled out the papers and said he was "contesting" the charges. I thanked him, and I said that no matter what happens with the charges already made, I want to file a "no-pay" to these two charges. Grrr....!!!

What a price of time, energy, and money to get out of something that was "free" and going to give me wonderful benefits.

Reality check: this lesson could be applied to many things in life. Much seems free and enjoyable. Are we always sure we know the fine print that comes with it and the hidden prices we will pay?

Reality check #2: Being "taken" once is just a mistake. If I get taken twice, I might be called stupid. Being open and sharing my mistake may make it possible for someone else to be spared. Hopefully you don't have to have a personal experience to learn this lesson; you can learn from mine.

Pulling myself out of a mess, but I have gotten to the "truth" and I'm being set free!! at least from products and charges I didn't knowingly agree to. Good lesson to translate into more important life experiences.
MB

A Good Sermon

Being married to a preacher for many years, I've been exposed to many definitions of what is a preacher? what makes a good preacher? what constitutes a good sermon? and many more.

A friend of mine sent me this quote in an e-mail:

Preaching is the art of making a sermon and delivering it. Why no, that is not preaching. Preaching is the art of making a preacher, and delivering that. Preaching is the outrush of soul in speech. Therefore, the elemental business in preaching is not with the preaching but with the preacher. It is no trouble to preach, but a vast trouble to construct a preacher. What then, in the light of this is the task of a preacher? (or of anyone sharing his or her faith). Mainly this, the amassing of a great soul so as to have something worthwhile to give. The sermon is the preacher up to date.

Bishop Alfred Quayle
American Methodist Bishop (1860-1925)

I really like this quote.

Over the years the many compliments I've heard on my "preacher-man" have mostly been about how real he is, and how people forget they're hearing a sermon. They think he's speaking individually to them; others say they're amazed at how he shares who and where he is in life and how that pertains so much to their journey.

I'm married to a great sermon; i.e., a preacher who is up to date.
Guess that's why I liked this quote.
MB

True Love: Fruit of Eden

The title of chapter 14 in the book, "Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart", is True Love Is the Apple of Eden.

That title fascinates me. First, we don't know that the fruit eaten by Adam and Eve was an apple, just a point to clarify.

As I read the chapter I laughingly agreed with what the author, Dr. Gordon Livingston, was saying.

In a nutshell, I interpret what he's saying is that we as human beings have such a desire and longing for true love that we will sacrifice everything in order to get it, even the anger of God by disobeying Him.

The author then proceeds to show how foolish we are. He doesn't say this, but he does ask in a way, "Is there such a thing?"

One of the paragraphs says: When I listen to comments from elderly people who have been married fifty, sixty, or more years answering the inevitable question about "the secret to a successful marriage," it seems to me that a high tolerance for boredom often heads the list. Such bromides as "We never went to bed angry" or "Moderation in all things" convey a philosophy more geared to survival than to pleasure. Where, one wonders, is the idea of endless, renewable love?

I've laughed and laughed at that paragraph. We will celebrate our fifty years of marriage in May. If we were asked that question, we could definitely not say we never went to bed angry or that we have been moderate in all things. We've been very angry many times with each other and sometimes it took days to resolve. These days it takes much less time. Progress. And moderation has rarely been our motto. We tend to go from one extreme to another, but we have fun. Eventually we sometimes come to a moderation type of thinking. Sometimes.

I think I would answer that "inevitable" question if asked on our fiftieth, that it was very, very hard work. We both decided to grow in healthy emotional ways on our own, and from that we hoped to grow healthy in our partnership.

I think either one of us could have probably made a good relationship with someone else. It so happens we chose each other and it's been an adventure. I look back at my early thoughts about finding the "right" person and finding "true love" that would last a lifetime, and chuckle at how silly that type of thinking is. I do think I have the "right" person and that we do have good, true love. However, I do believe that is the result of sticking with it, working hard, and always growing individually without blaming or depending on the other one.

The result of the hard work and staying with it has rewards and benefits too long to list. I highly recommend it. Enjoying a relationship is the result of staying with it and putting some work into it.

Bottomline: As long as one thinks that true love is some elusive thing to hunt for and if you're lucky, found and enjoyed and you'll live happily ever after, it will be to that one the fruit of Eden. Would that we could all learn this lesson early and well.
MB

Relationship Control

No. 5 in the book, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart, is "Any relationship is under the control of the person who cares the least."

Isn't that an interesting thought to think about. The author's comments on this concept are pretty negative. He brings out that when a couple marries, they have a fifty-fifty chance of making it. And his perspective is one of a counselor who sees people who are desperate and need help. He brings out that the one wanting the relationship to work is pushing the other less interested party. Thus the control issue.

After I read this, I've been ruminating on it. And I've decided I really agree with this. I don't think I would have ever phrased it this way, but it is so true. I mentioned in the comments section of the last post that usually when we hear something said or taught, it strikes us as real truth because we've already experienced it in our lives, but just haven't put it into a thought or expression. And our response in those situations is YES! And that's my response to this truth. Yes!

I've done some talks on the giver-taker relationship. And I end up saying that a true relationship is one where each person is giving at times and able to take at times. And it should be about equal with each person in the relationship.

My personal experience in this area has been one of usually giving and very uncomfortable with saying I needed help and taking help, advice, or comfort from others. My awakening experience in that area was a time in my life when I was hurting, more than I ever had. I needed someone.

But those I turned to ran from me because they weren't comfortable with a needy me. That was quite a learning experience. I changed gradually over time and took myself out of the always-advising role and made myself vulnerable in areas where I needed help.

Another relational area where I learned this is when my children became adults. I continued in the parental advising role even though they, especially my girls, had established their own families. I remember well the day I said to my oldest daughter that I had no words of advice, that I had confidence in her and her decisions, and I would be waiting to hear how she had resolved the situation. Her response to me was that she didn't like this new way of functioning. I held to my stance and we "untangled" an unhealthy way of relating that we had established. It wasn't easy, but I'm here to say, it's the very best and it works very well.

I guess that's why I knew intuitively that this concept that Dr. Livingston presents is true. I have already experienced it in different areas. I would have said it this way: work on your relationships so that you are a giver only fifty percent of the time and that you are a taker equally as long. Of course, someone who's a taker all the time needs to work on being a giver.

Hope you see how all of this relates. Makes sense to me. : )
MB