Colorful Living

We could learn a lot from crayons.

Some are sharp,
some are pretty,
and some are dull.

Some have weird names and all are different colours,
but they all have to live in the same box.

Just a thought.
MB

Look Alikes?

Below are two baby pictures. The first is a picture of me as a baby. The second is a picture of my youngest granddaughter.

When I first saw this baby picture of Sierra, I was struck at how much it reminded me of mine. I quickly dug through the old pictures and found the one I was remembering.

Although we are 58 years apart in age, this little girl grabs my heart each time I am with her. She's very caring, and last Sunday we treated her to a banana split and a couple of presents celebrating her ninth birthday.

She had never noticed Paul's carotid artery surgery scars, and it was a movie in the making to watch her discover them. She did it all with looks, a look of discovery,  then a look of questioning, and when explained, looks of loving and caring. She laid her head on Paul's chest and just loved on him. It was such a freeze frame moment. Paul was raw emotionally from having buried his Mom a few days before, and just watching the two of them was special!

 

My reality check was going to be that I hope I'm a good role model to this young girl. As I've written this I've changed my mind. My reality check is really that I hope I can be as transparent, as loving, and as caring as this little girl. One of my favorite sayings is "Love like you've never been hurt." That's so much harder to do than to say. Seeing that attitude in a young girl is a real challenge to me. I hope I can be like her.
MB

Fans and Family

Yesterday, we attended the OU/TX football game at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. Our grandson bought the tickets and told us that he got tickets in the Texas section and he hoped that was okay. From our picture here, can you tell whom we are for? Pretty obvious, right?

Now, look at Ty's picture. Whom do you think he is for? We walked by one fan outside the stadium and he remarked when he saw Ty, "Now, there's an obviously neutral fan." Ty didn't have on the burnt orange of UT or the crimson red of OU.

Now, here's the "reality check" I want to write about in this post. Ty wasn't neutral, but I didn't catch on until well into the first quarter. He was yelling loudly for UT. OU made the best plays right at first, making a touchdown on their first possession, so I didn't realize that Ty was not for OU because I was so busy standing and yelling and yelling "Boomer-Sooner" at the top of my lungs that I didn't notice that Ty was calm and just watching. I think I thought he just wasn't going to be a loud fan, and than I had the thought I might be embarrassing him. But, I quickly dismissed that and went right on being a good OU fan. :)

Then a strange thing happened. When UT made a good play or stopped OU, Ty would stand and yell and give a loud "YEAH!" What? And then it dawned on me, he is for UT and maybe he purposely bought tickets smack dab in the middle of UT fans. Huh? How could this Grams be so dense? Ty lived almost all of his developmental years in Texas and was never very fond of Oklahoma. He's a die-hard UT fan! Well, duh!

Here's the point of this post: (finally :)

An interesting phenomenon took place in my thinking and feeling, although it took just a little transitional time. I began to laugh and enjoy the TX fans and didn't feel the previous animosity I had had toward them. Reason? Someone I loved was enjoying UT's successes. Completely changed my perspective. In the end when UT won, it was okay. I was glad for Ty. Do you find that as interesting as I do?

As all this was happening, I made the application to the SBC and all the fussing and differences within an organization that's supposed to be "family" and showing the world how to celebrate differences, rather than fighting about it. I think when your heart is really committed to the "brother" or grandson, as the case may be, that it's easy to accept and live with the differences. 

Makes me wonder what's just lip service and what's real. Just a reality check taken from being football fans to other areas of life. Whether we wear our preferences out where others can see or whether we wear neutral so others have to guess, when our differences become apparent, how do we respond? I think I discovered my response shows my heart, my reality.  

MB

On Birthdays and Deathdays

Yesterday, my mother-in-law, Paul's mother died. She had a peaceful death and as some would say, "a good death." I think what is meant by that is that there was not a lot of physical suffering at the end, but just more sleeping and finally a final breath.

Interestingly, the day Margaret died was also my 67th birthday. Some birthday present!! At first, I thought this is going to be bittersweet in the future, celebrating my birthday and always remembering that's the day Paul's Mom died.

But, on the other hand, it will be easy to remember what day she died, the anniversary of her death. For me, death days are hard to remember. I always have to go back and refigure or think of some signpost that helps me get the date right. That won't be true of Margaret's death date. I know!

This has caused me to wonder about something. Wonder why we don't celebrate deathdays as we do birthdays. Especially if our loved one was a believer, a Christian.

Think about it: we celebrate someone coming into this world with all its pain and suffering and we grieve when someone leaves this world to go to a better place, free of all tears and sorrow, pain and suffering. Now, how strange is this?

What would a "deathday" celebration look like? Perhaps on the death day each year later, the family would gather and reminisce about that loved one, looking at pictures and sharing memories. I know that when I go to the cemetery to the graves of my sister, my dad, my grandparents, and others, that's what I do somewhat. I think back to who they were and what they meant to me and how much I miss them.

Just a thought as I start the process of working through grief and sadness. 

MB

   

Friends vs Parents

Recently at Paul's ministry board meeting, a board member asked our family members who were there to gather so she could take a picture. This picture was taken August 16. Front row: Melody (our daughter), yours truly, Paul, Cherri (our daughter). Back row l to r: Tony (Mel's husband), Wade (our son), Rachelle (Wade's wife), Kelly (Brett's wife), and Brett (our son). Mike (Cherri's husband) is not in the picture. He was with his mom in an unscheduled call for help she needed from him.

This picture is priceless to me as it represents people I love very much. It also prompted me to write another post regarding adult children and our relationship to them.

Early on when our children started marrying and establishing homes of their own, we began to experience something that was different for us. It didn't seem right to keep advising and treating our children as children and not as adults. It was awhile in coming, but we finally did get there. 

Paul and I talked about it and realized our "parenting" days were over and had been for some time. We had done what we could, we had made many mistakes, we had done some things right, but all things considered, the time for that opportunity was over. We now wanted to be "friends" with our adult children and treat them as such, and not do the "parenting" tasks or talk any more. 

So as much as we could, we then began treating our adult children as our adult friends. We didn't start out that way, especially I didn't. I was "Miss Advice-Giver." I knew how to do it all, and I was still very much in that mode. I gradually quit just giving advice and began waiting to be asked, but I was still quick-on-the-trigger with what should be done. I was going through many changes in my own life, one of which included attending a listening seminar where I learned a wonderful truth: "Don't should on people." I was such a you should person, that was a real change-point in my life. I also learned that listening was a learned relational skill that I needed to learn, to practice, and to incorporate into all my relationships. What a challenge!

Today, I think I can honestly say to and about all those other people in the above picture, these are all my adult friends. I love them very much and enjoy their friendship. 

A serendipity of this is that I, the Mom, have had such a release of feeling responsible. I can truly enjoy the relationships, and I do.

Of course, we've had some criticism. Other parents and grandparents tell us and our friend-children that once a parent, always a parent. We agree with the distinction that we will always be our children's mother and father. We love that and are so glad that doesn't change. We view parenting as a role and responsibility. All we're saying is that parenting ends when the child leaves the parent's home. Relationships continue and roles change. 

We love it and highly recommend this way of life. Just sharing...

MB

On Being a Woman in Certain Circles

How fun is this?

The Republican pick for VP is a woman!

Now, let's see what all the arguments will be against her. The glass ceiling is being challenged, with 18 million cracks no less.

The debate within religious circles about women leading is an interesting one. I'm a woman. I'm in the minority as far as this debate is concerned.

Speaking of minorities: We have traveled some outside the United States. Several years ago we went to Brazil on a mission trip, and we went by ourselves without a guide. We found ourselves several times in difficult situations because we did not speak Portugese. Our contact at the airport didn't make it, and we had to get to another airport without the benefit of knowing how or where and we couldn't speak the language. We made it, but I gained a new appreciation of what it means to be laughed at, to have the feeling of not belonging, and to be a minority. Not a good feeling or situation.

And being a woman in church, I've also experienced very much the same thing although under the guise of being Biblical and doing what God wants. Hmmmm.

But in the corporate world, it's very different. I'm an executive, I'm respected, I'm listened to, I'm asked for my opinion, I'm asked to lead teams and projects, and I find myself enjoying being a capable leader.

Then I go to church.

If a woman speaks up in the traditional Sunday School couples class, she's often only acknowledged and appeased, but not necessarily listened to or respected as being anyone with an opinion worth listening to. (Just my opinion.) The situation is quite different when a man might volunteer his opinion. All seem to listen with rapt attention. Hmmmmm.

Women are asked to cook and bring food. Women are asked to accompany their husbands. Women are pitied if they're left as widows.

Needless to say, it's an interesting contrast to be respected and listened to five days a week, and then go to a place where we're to relate in the deepest sense and minister and be ministered to, but to be treated like a minority person without the credentials necessary to be "someone" in this environment. And, we're supposed to invite others, our women friends, to come to this life-giving, life-changing, wonderful place? This causes me pause.

My thoughts on a woman being a leader in different settings.

MB

A fun postscript: I have my "handsome feller" read my posts before I post them as fresh eyes to catch any mistakes and to see how the "spirit" of the writing comes across. He read this one and commented, "I hope they know you are respected and listened to at home." I can honestly and firmly say that is very true. I am respected as an equal and am a co-leader in our relationship. It's a change from how we started, and it's a place we've grown to. It's a good place!

Saddleback Debate

Last Saturday night the two candidates for president answered questions on the Saddleback Civic Forum. I thought that was a very well done event. Personally, I was encouraged by both candidates' answers.

But I was really watching Rick Warren, the moderator. Years ago in Fort Worth, Rick was a seminary student at Southwestern and he was a member of the church where Paul was pastor.

I remember Rick as a slight, light-haired, rather timid young man. He was asked to sometimes play his guitar and help lead on Sunday nights. I remember he seemed shy and I often had a hard time hearing him. That's my memory.

When Rick finished seminary, he and his wife Kay packed all their belongings in their car (I think it was a Volkswagon) and headed for California. They said they felt God calling them to start a new church in CA.

Over the years we would hear how the church was growing. When it was just beginning, Rick and Kay encouraged casual dress and tried to invite each visitor and new member to their home to get better acquainted.

Once over the years, Kay called to ask me a question, and she started out saying you probably don't remember me. They were already getting famous. I quickly responded that of course I remembered her. I always think that's a funny memory.

Coming back to the present–Saturday night was an exciting time for me. It was great watching the presidential candidates, but it was extremely pleasing and satisfying to watch Rick and see what a wonderful pastor and person he has become. Time magazine called him the most influential religious man in America today, the next Billy Graham.

I remember when. . .

Just wanted to share a fun memory.

MB