Monday, June 16, 2008

Question to Ponder

Do I really believe what I say?

I hope so, but there come certain times and events in life where that is tested.

This is one of those times.

Today Paul, my soul mate for 49 years and counting, has surgery. The surgeon has given us the spiel including the risks. I've been here before. Paul had bypass surgery back in 1986. Since then he's had a heart attack and a stroke, both requiring hospital stays.

Each time these things happen, I'm face to face again with the question, Do I really believe what I say I believe? And I know the answer is, Yes, I do! I believe that death for the Christian is a rite of passage into a better place and a better life.

As I ponder, I realize that's not my real question. My real struggle is, Can I go on without him? If at any time Paul precedes me in death, I know I can go on, but it will be very different and not what I want to do. I jokingly tell him that if he kicks the bucket, I will kill him. He can't do that to me. We laugh, and I realize I really mean that.

My reality check today is that I have to face the small risk that something could happen. Yes, I can handle it. Death is a very real part of our lives. I don't want to, but I will and I can.

But, you know what? I hope that time is a little later for us. Whatever...

One thing I do know, that time is set. I don't know when that is, but thinking about it and realizing that is reality helps me to be prepared. 

With that reality check, I'm now prepared to face what life brings for us this week. It is an adventure for sure!

1 comment:

Debbie Kaufman said...

Mary: My prayers are with you and Paul this day.

I also hear what you are saying and admit that these are the very thoughts I have had concerning my own husband of 24 years.