Real Talk or Religious Talk

In recent days I've had several friends and family members who have faced sickness, surgeries, losing a loved one, and other life-changing events. As I have.

I've interestingly observed the differences in conversations and communication. A few fill their words with many religious phrases. Sometimes this just leaves me wondering, where's the grief? where's the natural fear? where's the sadness?

It often seems that the more religiously one talks, the less of real humanity is being experienced.

Rare is the believer I've encountered who seems real in his/her humanity and equally real in his/her God relationship. I have met a few, but not many.

Some years ago I became aware of this in my own life. I noticed that in some group meetings if someone said they had prayed about it and "God told me..." that immediately stopped all conversation and that person must be the "chosen one" because they had God's Word on it.

I also noticed that in other groups if there was a tough decision to make, someone would say let's just pray about it and let God speak. That ended it! If you had an opinion to offer, the obvious climate was, not now! I became cognizant of favorite phrases and religious talk that permeated Christian groups. I began to question, where is reality here? Can we not be who we really are, who God made us to be, and still be Christian? I sometimes wanted to scream, "Stop the canned talk! Just be real!!" But, of course, I didn't. I usually was the pastor's wife and I just kept the smile on and was questioning inside. However, I did make sure when I talked that I didn't go into that mode.

Some of my "Christian" friends would say, "Do you still believe the Bible?" I would laugh and say, of course. They had noticed my dropping and not using the language and phrases. On the contrary, non-believers would sometimes say, "You're really a different kind of Christian, not like those we can't stand to be around." Hmmm... Food for thought.

To the point I'm making today, too often (in my opinion) we as believers pull out this coded language that masks real human thoughts and feelings, and though we might think it's a testimony to how we're trusting God, it often comes across as nonsense and non-reality.

Are you now thinking I'm a heretic? I hope not, but I respect your opinion. =)

In these my latter, wisdom-filled years (JK) I have come to believe and experience that you can be fully human, fully alive, and fully Spirit-filled. You can weep and grieve and question and hurt and still know you are accepted and loved by God.

Of course, my recent experience of Paul facing two back-to-back surgeries has caused my rethinking this. Some said to me, "I know God won't let anything happen to Paul. Don't worry. He'll be okay." Oh, really? 

Here's my thinking: I know Paul and I both are in God's hands. What He does and when He does it may be tough and it may not be what I would like, but it's okay. He's there. He loves both of us and He has a plan. If His plan is death, I'll hurt and grieve and cry and be sad. I'll feel my human-ness and let my humanity show. And at the exact same time, deep in my inner being I will know that I'm in His Hands! 

Two examples come to mind: two sides of the same coin, and you cannot look at both sides at the same time, but you hold the entire coin.

Another example: two train tracks–one track is my humanity, the other track is God's sovereignty and control. You need both to carry your train of life, and you need both completely. If either track becomes more important than the other, the train of life is lopsided.

Well, enough of this. Those are my thoughts today and my reality check. Am I really real or religiously coated? 

MB 

Question to Ponder

Do I really believe what I say?

I hope so, but there come certain times and events in life where that is tested.

This is one of those times.

Today Paul, my soul mate for 49 years and counting, has surgery. The surgeon has given us the spiel including the risks. I've been here before. Paul had bypass surgery back in 1986. Since then he's had a heart attack and a stroke, both requiring hospital stays.

Each time these things happen, I'm face to face again with the question, Do I really believe what I say I believe? And I know the answer is, Yes, I do! I believe that death for the Christian is a rite of passage into a better place and a better life.

As I ponder, I realize that's not my real question. My real struggle is, Can I go on without him? If at any time Paul precedes me in death, I know I can go on, but it will be very different and not what I want to do. I jokingly tell him that if he kicks the bucket, I will kill him. He can't do that to me. We laugh, and I realize I really mean that.

My reality check today is that I have to face the small risk that something could happen. Yes, I can handle it. Death is a very real part of our lives. I don't want to, but I will and I can.

But, you know what? I hope that time is a little later for us. Whatever...

One thing I do know, that time is set. I don't know when that is, but thinking about it and realizing that is reality helps me to be prepared. 

With that reality check, I'm now prepared to face what life brings for us this week. It is an adventure for sure!

MB

Thoughts Following the Sermon

Yesterday the morning sermon was from Romans 1. The subject was how does the Christian face the question of homosexuality. Is it an alternate lifestyle? Is it genetic? Can one change? What is to be our attitude?

Our pastor did a terrific job in handling this very sensitive issue. One statement he made was to "get rid of your repulsion." And he suggested that Christians pray for the people they know who are in this lifestyle.

I wrote in my notes an additional thought: we need to pray for ourselves that we will truly love all people as people and respect them and their choices.

Homosexuality in the scripture is noted as a sinful lifestyle, along with adultery, hatred, and many other sins. I do believe that homosexuality is a learned lifestyle through environment and personal tendencies. I do know a few who have been in this lifestyle and have changed. I also have several personal acquaintances who continue in this lifestyle.

I think the challenge for the Christian is to accept and love the person and at the same time hold to the truth that homosexuality is wrong. That's an almost impossible task. And one reason is that oftentimes the one living in this lifestyle insists that if you really love them, you will see and agree with their view that this is natural and is okay. They fight for acceptance.

I see a lot of the problem as the holier-than-thou attitude many Christians and whole denominations have toward people who say they are homosexuals or lesbians. Sometimes these same condemners are lenient toward heterosexual people who have affairs or who live together before marriage or who are married and have adulterous affairs. That's quite a double standard in my opinion.

In my world and my generation, the condemning of homosexually oriented people was hateful, repulsive, and filled with slurs and bad jokes.

The current generation seems to express total acceptance with no reference to a standard of morality.

The challenge to me and for me is to show grace and love to all (and not only "show," but to really BE loving and gracious from the inside out). And the second part of this challenge is learning how to hold a moral standard and to struggle with the pain of doing this as I also show love and acceptance to the person. Whew!

Is this possible?

"[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you–energizing and creating in you the power and desire–both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight." Philippians 2:13 Amplified

This, to me, is great food for thought and a true reality check.

MB

Mother's Day 2008

Today's a special day of the year, a day in which we honor our Moms. I'm always curious how things started and found the history of Mother's Day very interesting. If you're interested, check it out here: Mother's Day in the US

On this day every year I think of my parenting and ask myself if I did well as a Mom. If I look at my four children and evaluate that way, I would say I was a terrific Mom. Of course, the problem with that is that I don't think Mom's are responsible solely for how their children turn out. In fact, I think Moms do influence children, but there are so many other factors involved with how children end up that I think the kind of Mom you have plays a part, but not a huge part.

Anyway, I'm grateful for my four children of whom God allowed me to be their Mother. I'm glad they survived all my mistakes and hopefully used them to make better decisions and to become better adults.

This is a day to celebrate my Mom and to celebrate motherhood. I am a grateful child and a grateful Mom, counting my blessings.

MB

Switching Themes

I've decided to wind it up on writing about The Shack.

I've read some entries on the Internet that take to task many of the concepts and themes in The Shack.

I don't completely and wholeheartedly agree with the theology presented, but I learned a long time ago that I can glean much from many sources without requiring that the piece be 100% where I am in all areas. I think The Shack really hits readers in the emotional area of relating to God and how to do that in the midst of great heart pain and terrible events. Hopefully, we know how to read and enjoy and accept truths needed by us at that particular time, and sifting through what we might disagree with but not letting that affect our accepting wonderful insights and gaining from what we're reading. 

I like to contrast doing that with thinking, praying, and relating to others with our coded "religious" language. I much prefer the first way, which is what works best for me.

As I end these posts on The Shack, it might be fun to hear from you your bottom-line statement of how reading this book has impacted you. Tell us if you have time and want to.

MB

The Dance of Being

Continuing on pulling concepts from The Shack to ruminate about. . .

I was struck by the words in Chapter 14, Verbs and Other Freedoms, especially on pages 204 and 205. Sarayu (personified wisdom) is speaking and says "For something to move from death to life you must introduce something living and moving into the mix. To move from something that is only a noun to something dynamic and unpredictable, to something living and present tense, is to move from law to grace. …"

The discussion in this chapter and on these two pages captured me. Since I work daily with words, grammar and parts of speech, I loved the truth presented in terms of nouns and verbs.

Sarayu shows that when nouns are used when referring to relationships, they are rules. Rules instead of living relationships (verbs). That made me think about how much of our teaching and practice in life are responsibilities and expectations. What a wonderful thought and realization!

The discussion goes on to point out that setting priorities is not what Papa wants. He doesn't want to be at the top of the list, or even "first among a list of values."

Do you know how much of what I've believed and taught is being challenged by this chapter? Intuitively, I know this to be true, but I haven't been able to put such words to my intuition. Every time I would try, it seemed wrong.

I have grabbed on to bits and pieces at various times. When I read a few years ago that religion makes us either Pharisees or rebels, I thought YES! Pharisees think, "Look at me. I can do all that is required of me. Why can't you?" Rebels say, "I can't do any of this. Who cares? Not me."

This chapter in The Shack says much the same thing, just in a different way.

I especially liked on page 206 when Mack says, "But if you don't have expectations and responsibilities, wouldn't everything just fall apart?"

Sarayu responds, "Only if you are of the world, apart from me and under the law. Responsibilities and expectations are the basis of guilt and shame and judgment, and they provide the essential framework that promotes performance as the basis for identity and value. You know well what it is like not to live up to someone's expectations."

I'll conclude my synopsis with what Jesus says on page 207, "Mack, I don't want to be first among a list of values. I want to be at the center of everything. … Rather than a pyramid, I want to be the center of a mobile, where everything in your life … is connected to me but moves with the wind, in and out and back and forth, in an incredible dance of being."

I love that phrase, an incredible dance of being. Who has ever described our Christian life in those terms? No one I've ever heard. But doesn't that draw you? It does me. Yes!

Am I there? Are you? I'm not. I'm far from it, but what an exciting, alluring invitation.

May I continually accept and never forget.

MB 

Fortress of Lies

I want to write just a couple more blogs from quotes inside the book The Shack. 

In the chapter, A Meeting of Hearts, Papa and Mack are talking about lies. Papa says, "… Lies are one of the easiest places for survivors to run. It gives you a sense of safety, a place where you only have to depend on yourself. But it's a dark place, isn't it?"

Papa continues, "Lies are a little fortress; inside them you can feel safe and powerful. Through your little fortress of lies you try to run your life and manipulate others. But the fortress needs walls, so you build some. These are the justifications for your lies. You know, like you are doing this to protect someone you love, to keep them from feeling pain. Whatever works, just so you feel okay about the lies."

I think the lies Christians tell themselves are the lies seasoned with all the religious talk that we've learned. And the sad thing is that we really believe that we are spiritual and believing the truth.

When you pull out of religion and decide to try to walk in grace and truth, you gradually begin to see how lie-covered most of what we say and do in the name of religion really is.

I've done a moderate amount of personality studies. I was drawn to the teaching that we build our personalities as a house around us to protect and to hide ourselves from others and from really living life. My personality type is perfectionistic and analytical. That works well for my profession, but plays havoc in relationships and life. I have to work at tearing down the walls of my protection of personality and seek to live life transparently and honestly. That is tough stuff. It feels exposed and uncomfortable.

I have family and friends who have other types of personalities or walls of protection such as being a helper, or being a controller, or being fun and funny, or being smart, or others. One writer said we're like bumper cars, bumping into each other's personalities and never really getting to know each other.

This paragraph in The Shack reminded me of some of my personality studies. Most people, and I for a long time, didn't consider personalities as something that could be changed or as lies we had built up around us for safety and protection. There has been a measure of freedom since embracing that idea. Food for thought.

MB